I WAS A FENCER, (but not a thief).

BEFORE YOU RING ASIO, THE POLICE OR WHAT EVER, yes I was fencer, I learnt the noble art of SABRE FENCHING at St Mary’s Cathedral Fencing School in Sydney, NSW, that's near WOOLLOOMOOLOO, (remember;'DUNNY AND THE CHOKO VINE'?) Sabre was my weapon of choice.

A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THE PRELIMINARIES FOLLOWS:

THAT IS, THE AGE OLD CUSTOM OF SALUTING AND ACKNOWLEGEING YOU OPPONENT.

THAT IS BEFORE YOU ‘RUN HIM THROUGH’

Standing with one’s leading foot pointing at the opponent and your other foot at right angles, (SLIGHTLY SIDE ON), one addressed the assembled group. At about ten paces stood the antagonist with his left and right seconds, one either side, your seconds stood beside one in the same order, left and right, right. NOW are you ready for what follows?

You acknowledge and salute the fencing party thus:

One held the saber in an upright position close to your face. Pointing your saber downwards you addressed the opponents second on your left, he is the second on the right of the opponent, secondly you acknowledge the opponents second on your right, he is the second on the left of your opponent, right? Thirdly you address your own second on your left first and your second, you are on his left, next, right? Fourthly, one addresses the only person left, he is the one directly ahead, the one in the middle of his left and right seconds, you know that he is the one because he has a sword, you raise your saber to an upright position in front of your face then point the sharp end at his face and gallantly sweep it away making a “Zorro” sound.

And finally, if he is still awake the unfortunate does likewise, now if you are left handed? Will I start again?

A MAN MATERIALIZES, he comes from the left if your right handed, from the right if your left handed, from either bloody side if you are ambidextrous, OR AC / DC.

He produces a white ‘hanky, raises the said ‘hanky’ and sweeps it downwards, in Australia he sweeps it upwards, (remember we are on the opposite side of the earth). The opponents touch, (their sabers dummy), retreat and the contest begins, that is when I produce a pistola, shoot the bastard, and head down to Pub. (What a waste of time). 

 I continued with this sport for some time and just like most things found other interests.

ALARMINGLY, I HAVE AN IDEA, I MAY HAVE PLAGIARIZED, AND THESE CAN’T BE MY THOUGHTS!

Full story; (www.johnfarls.com), BORN IN THE CITY 1. (www.johnfarlsbrunz,com) has more crappy stuff.